Saturday, March 13, 2010

Divorce is...

I was thinking recently that I might jump-start my effort to update my blog more frequently with a series of entries under the heading of "divorce is...."

I'm finding that, like most events of significance in life, divorce is many things, with layers and depths. It is grief. It is growth. It is imprisonment. It is liberation. It is fear. It is pain. It is hope.

It is, in short, a difficult journey...though perhaps not primarily so much one through the legal system, but through the heart, through the soul. Divorce has a tendency to expose and lay bare fears, angers, resentments, and bitterness. The least pleasant sides of yourself and of your partner are on full parade with an alarming frequency.

It is perilously easy to demonize, dangerously tempting to assume the worst in this kind of situation. And yet I have come to think that perhaps the greatest test of one's character is how you treat someone who is divorcing you. To do so with some sense of integrity, some sense of compassion, some sense of dignity and healthy boundaries...that, my friends, is growth. Painful, difficult, sometimes even excruciating...growth.

I can say with the utmost honesty that I fail that test at least as often as I pass it. But I hope and pray that I am getting better, that through this all I will have become more aware, more honest with myself, more compassionate.

My prayers for peace and love to all of you.