Sunday, December 20, 2009

a holiday divorce

My wife asked me for a divorce about a week before Thanksgiving.

From what I know of other divorces, ours has been relatively civil. We both remain dedicated to putting our children first. There haven't been any truly ugly conflicts.

Still, divorce is a kind of hell. It robs you of the ability to enjoy things. When things are going well and everything seems nice and normal, you look up at her face and remember that she's divorcing you and says she doesn't love you anymore. When things aren't going well, you question whether this is any better or worse than what you'll be facing when the divorce is over.

And, strangely, it feels a little bit like it has robbed me of the holidays. I feel little reason for joy at the moment.

I have heard many people talk about the holidays being the most difficult time of the year for them -- people who have lost loved ones or who struggle with depression, for just one example. And I guess I can understand that now, in a way that I haven't in the past.

I'm trying to work on facing this situation as fully and openly as I can -- to face the pain rather than resent it, as it were. But I'm finding that this isn't easy, and sometimes not possible. To some extent, the pain has to be contained in order to just get through the day sometimes.

Sorry for the rambling, folks. Thank you for all your prayers and support.

5 comments:

Magdalene6127 said...

I'm so sorry about this Steve. My marriage both began during this season and, finally, came apart during it. The echoes remain.

You are certainly in my thoughts and prayers.

Sarah S-D said...

you are very much on my heart and in my prayers. i'm sorry i wasn't able to chat this morning. we're on the road the next two days. if you want to chat in the evenings, by phone, i'll be captive and may or may not have a signal. we're planning on two evening/night 7 hour drives. much love to you in this really painful time.

bigboid said...

Steve, I feel awful for you. You are in my prayers, and I hope you can get through this process as amicably as possible. I have to admit, this is the first thing that went through my mind after your last post. I hate that you didn't see it coming. As much as I would want to learn why she felt a divorce was necessary without prior notice, it's really none of my business. But I will keep you and your boys in my prayers.

Rachel Rev said...

May peace and strength and courage and healing and understanding and love and support find you this holy day season.

Ms. Sylaneous said...

sorry to hear about it. SIMILARLY, I've encountered situations I call my 'Birthday Curse'. I've never been married, but each year, around my birthday (Nov 23)- the Thanksgiving time, through Christmas, through New Years, through Valentine's day I'm ALWAYS SINGLE. Ehhhhh not all of them (relationships or what not) were meaningful enough to cause much 'depression' though. Two of them did. One an 8 year relationship (frm 6th grade- soph year of college) ended when I got a phone call from his FIANCEE ON my 21st bday! Telling me they were engaged... (ALL THE WHILE I was waitin on him to pick me up for my bday dinner!!) Another one very recently Nov 2009, a 5 year on again off again relationship ended about a week prior to my
30th bday ended because he just absolutely refused to work. It sucked because I wanted him to change sooo bad, but I couldn't change him and apparently couldn't encourage him either.. (sigh) I vowed to leave that curse in 2009 and hopefully things will be better in 2010 as far as 'relationships'. Who knows I might end up with a date for my b-day (first time in almost 10 years).

I can understand your 'hum-drum' demenor though, I'd just like to offer this, 'although the situation isn't the best, relish in the fact that you are alive and well, and when you're up to it, you can get back out there and start again...'